You are seeking instant gratification. The “Magic Pill” theory. Quick weight loss, instant love, one month to riches…blah blah blah. Everyone is promising it. They have “the secret” or “the way.” Even better, they can teach you their secrets and their way! Just call this 1-800 number or give your credit card number or take this pill. We want and expect what we want and expect fast, fast, fast. Everyone else has love at first sight, everyone else loses weight fast, everyone else has enough money…and so on. (We “know” this because they tell us…incessantly.) Then, when we don’t get the thing we so want the way we think everyone else is getting it, we wonder. We question. We may be pissed off. We are disappointed.
You are waiting on something external to happen or change before you can feel happy or complete. When the relationship is better…When his busy season at work is over…When my kids are older…When we have a baby together…When I lose the weight…When I stop smoking…When I get my resume together…When the divorce is final…When I move to a different place…When my boss realizes how valuable I am…We “when” and “if” ourselves to death. Meanwhile, we conveniently neglect to remember that we already have all we need to feel happy or complete and that it is all already within us. Because it’s so much easier to want to get it from somewhere else. It’s much easier to not have to deal with all that internal stuff, anyway. And, then, you know what? Sometimes, when the external thing does happen or change, we realize we are still just as hesitant or unhappy or dissatisfied as we were before. That’s like a double disappointment.
You ignore your gut. This is a simple yet not-so-simple one. You go with the “shoulds” and “supposed tos” and do your level best to ignore the voice inside that is telling you things like “This isn’t right!” and “You don’t need to do this” and “This is a total waste of your time,” or, simply “No!” In our quest to not disappoint others and to be and do the way we think we should or or are supposed to be and do, we follow scripts with names like: “Because This Is The Way It Is Supposed To Be.” These scripts are almost always bombs (not the good kind) because, well, doing things with half a heart and a whole lot of guilt or false sense of duty is a surefire way to end up in a whole lot of disappointment. And the bonus disappointment? The person or people you felt you were doing this “for” usually aren’t so pleased either. Lose-lose.