Signs that other people could read, process and understand before we begin the dance of any kind of a relationship.
Maybe on our foreheads. Or the palms of our hands. Or as T-shirts. Somewhere that puts it out there in a way that is clear and direct.
How would things be different if, when we first met others, they learned up front what all of our friggin stories, problems, excuses and habits were?
Get that sh*t out of the way and get down to the business of having fun or enjoying one another or working together or whatever that relationship was really supposed to be. We could get the important information out first instead of forcing ourselves to “go slow” for some unknown reason.
Maybe each week would have a different theme…:
My excuse is…
…..wronged me big-time
My attitude stems from…
My tragedy is…
My worst habit is….
The worst thing I think about myself is…
Don’t ever tell me I am/am not….
I hate being called….
[Insert type of food] grosses me out
The word…really annoys me
I hate when other people tell me to…..
My Mom/Dad/husband/wife loved me too much/not enough
When I am stressed, you should stay away from me/come closer
And, of course, we’d have special theme weeks that featured questions and admissions that were Ladies’ Choice, Pot Luck and of course Couples Only.
Instead of trying to figure people and things out and coming to our own (usually inaccurate) conclusions, what if we actually knew from the get-go what was what?
No guessing. No assumptions. No movies in our head.
How great would it be if we all acknowledged our own messes, specifically and in general, so that we could get on with an actual relationship, connection, partnership or whatever?
Put it out there and move on. Sounds easy, no? Logical, no? Makes sense, no?
But, wait….doing so would clear lots of space. Lots. And then you would actually have to do the work or enjoy the moment instead of relying on your kind-of-tried-and-true reasons and excuses why you can’t or shouldn’t or didn’t.
Without those crutches, would you even be who you are?
Would you need to show up differently?
Would you have to stop being “that person” and maybe, just maybe, start being YOU?
The past is important and does, in part, shape us into who we are – but folks, that sh*t is over. Done. It is passed and past. It will never change. Never, ever, ever.
And the future? Well the future can be whatever you want it to be. If you want something different, well then I suggest a different story.
And your bad habits? Well, change them.
And the history lessons? You were abused, abandoned, cheated on, lied to or in some other way royally screwed over? Get in line. Yes, it sucks. Big time. But you are not alone. We all have our stuff. And it all sucks.
But that isn’t who you are right now. Not anymore.
That story or excuse is a life jacket that, yes, is keeping you afloat but, no, isn’t actually getting you to shore or deeper in the ocean or back in the boat or anywhere else you but treading the same water over and over.
So back to the signs….what’s yours?
What would you wear proudly (or at least publicly) if you knew everyone else was too?
What would you put “out there” once and for all so you could actually move beyond it and do something new or different or based in reality instead of in StoryLand?
What scares the living you-know-what out of you about yourself?
What do you wish, no matter how scary, that everyone just knew about you so you could move on from it and make a new (and better) story?
What are you ready, willing and able to acknowledge so you can actually move on in your life?
I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours.