Waiting For Someone

Allison Nazarian Life Lessons

I started a private writing project on Monday.

By “private” I mean that the plan was to write it pen-to-paper (which I almost never do) not for publication (um, which I almost never do).

What I realized almost immediately was that I am angry at someone.

Someone.

Who is really no one.

No, this isn’t a riddle. It’s the truth. It’s my life.

This is someone I thought had answers for me. And had ideas for me. And advice, information and warnings. Maybe someone had chocolate and hugs too.

I was always waiting for someone.

Someone who would be in my corner. Look out for my interests. Maybe put me first always.

But someone didn’t show.

Sure, I have had advice and friends and plenty of chocolate along the way. But I was expecting more. I was expecting it to come from “someone.”

Meanwhile, someone is busy. Someone doesn’t owe me. Someone has not made looking out for Allison their #1 job in life.

Someone has let me down, and, well I have been angry at someone.

And, let’s face it: Being angry at someone, while draining and punishing to ourselves, can be a heckuva lot easier than looking within and actually doing the work.

So as I was doing my pen-to-paper-not-for-publication writing earlier this week, I realized, clear as day, that this someone bullshit has got to end:

That someone isn’t saving me or telling me the secret of life.

That waiting for someone will lead to lots of frustration and excuses. That waiting for someone is a dead end.

That being mad at someone to begin with is a losing proposition and that not even knowing who that someone is is all the more so.

That someone is a fairy tale. Maybe a sweet one, until it doesn’t translate to real life and it disappoints us.

But I am not a fairy tale. My people are not fairy tales. You are not a fairy tale.

Someone may or may not love me, someone may or may not care, someone may or may not owe me.

And. That. Is. OK.

I have no control over someone.

None. Nada.

I do have control over me. I own me and I take responsibility for me. I am here for me. Always. And as for someone, well if I thought maybe you were that someone or expected you to act like that someone, please know I am sorry.

You are not that someone. You will never be that someone. You could never be that someone.

I am someone.

 

 

What about you? Have you been waiting for someone too?