Facebook Message: Dude, what happened to you?
DM: Are you dead?
These are the questions I have been getting.
Without planning or really any forethought, I disappeared for a spell from the very real world of twitter and for over a month from the very real world of this blog.
I didn’t mean to or expect to, it just happened. And because I know some of the most wonderful people and have some of the most wonderful friends in the world, people noticed and made sure I was ok. Just as I would if the situation were reversed and I had no idea where they were.
Of course, I am still here and me, driving my kids to and from school, making breakfasts (and lunches and dinner), talking on the phone to my sister, texting my bff, spending precious time with my love, walking my dog (and yelling that no one else does) and making the proverbial donuts (but unable to eat them because I am trying to lose
a few pounds 10 pounds some weight before my birthday).
So to answer you up front: I am ok.
I am more than ok.
I am incubating.
Incubation: From the Latin incubare, sleeping in a sacred place or temple for oracular purposes. The act of keeping an organism, a cell, or cell culture in conditions favorable for growth and development.
I am creating a warm (metaphorically speaking), toasty (again, metaphorically), comfortable, safe, peaceful and quite environment that allows me to continue a process that is bringing me to a different, potentially scary but definitely awesome new place in my life and my business.
For those of us who work for ourselves and have chosen (or maybe it chose us) a life of entrepreneurialism mixed with calling and artistry and practical stuff too (I am all about paying the mortgage, folks!), business is life and life is business in many ways. My business has been successful and has served me well for many years. I am grateful for it and to the wonderful people I have worked with and for over the years, many of whom continue, to this day, to pay me to do work I enjoy and that still comes naturally and somewhat easily to me.
And there comes a point – multiple points, really – in the life of every business at which you know it’s time to grow and morph and change. Maybe you know exactly “how” or “what.” And maybe, you just aren’t sure. But you know change is afoot.
For me, this is a time when I am seeking clarity on how to take all of this somewhere I or it hasn’t been before. Sometimes I am bold enough to consider it a “calling” or a “purpose.” Because, really that is what it is.
And yet I don’t yet know what it will look like. But I do know that to figure that out, I need more quiet and, yes, more discomfort (is that even possible?) than I have allowed myself until now. I need to be fully present in this life of mine in order for this incubation to successfully yield whatever it is supposed to yield.
Remember The Lull? This is a lull of sorts, but different. It is different because I have all of the ingredients already in place, as opposed to times in the past when that may not have been the case. I am at peace, living my truth and I know in my bones and my soul that something big is in store for me. (The good kind of big, for the record.)
But if the big comes when I am busying myself with the small (I am really good at that), I may very well miss it.
If the big comes while I am comparing myself to others and being annoyed about things that don’t matter and feeding the trolls and wasting time and giving into to Resistance, well then the big may well feel it isn’t time for me. I am ready for it to be time for me. Actually, just by taking a stand with my own self and making some changes that work for me right now in this moment, I know that big has already happened…with more in store.
So I am committed right now to relaxing more and laughing more and listening more and feeling more. To eating better, resting better, watching more movies and reading more stuff I want to read. To being more playful and passionate and kind (to myself and others) and being in that place where I am in charge, where I am immune to all but that which sustains and feeds me.
And while all of those other things may be second nature to you, they aren’t to me. I have the “doing” and “working” and running around down pat, but those others escaped me for some years. To be honest, relaxing can feel very wrong and uncomfortable to me.
Incubating, for me, means that it’s time to experience lots of things I pushed away despite the fact that weirdness may be felt.
So I am now getting reacquainted.
And the reacquaintance is delicious.
What about you? Are you incubating now? Have you incubated in the past? What was the glorious result?