…how it feels when they tell you “you can’t” or “you shouldn’t.”

…how you feel when you know the person you least want to see is right in front of you.

…another word for shame.

…another word for disrespect.

…another word for the thing you feel when you are shot down yet again.

……when it needs to be fixed right now. when you realize you are not sure you how you can fix it.

…when someone stomps on your heart. hard. on purpose.

…when they tell you they stomp on your heart because they love you.

…when you pretend you believe them.

…when you pretend about anything that matters.

…when your life is so full of pretending you find it hard to find space for not pretending.

…when you worry that everyone knows and you do all you can to make sure they don’t.

…when you discount ideas of getting out, moving on, doing something different because you don’t believe they’d ever work for you.

…when you are stuck.

…when you are overwhelmed.

…when you see no way out.

…when you are always figuring out that you can’t seem to figure any of it out.

…that moment you know the other person will never, ever, ever change.

…that moment you know that changing will be your hardest work ever.

…that moment you realize that change is your only choice, despite the enormous effort it will entail.

…when you’ve come so far only to be brought down again by that same person, that same scenario, that same pattern.

…when you want to give up.

…when you realize you can’t give up even if in that moment it seems like the easiest option.

…when others don’t want you to change.

..when you think it isn’t “nice” of you to change.

…when you consider staying behind rather than moving forward. to be nice. because they love you. and because the guilt.

…when you just don’t know.

…when you just don’t see the next step.

…when fear is your “go-to.”

…when love eludes you.