Use words that negate everything we said right before them.
Undermine our point.
Take away the power of what we really mean to say.
Why do we (especially us women) do this? We all have our reasons. Our stories. Our whys — whether conscious or not.
I’m not here for the psychoanalysis part, I’m here for the pointing out part. Because we ALL do it (some more than others).
Words like “just” and “sort of” and “kind of” and “maybe” and “if.” And my favorite, the word “but.”
Let me tell you a bit about “but.” (Heehee, she said “but.”)
But is shorthand for things like:
“I said what I really meant to say before this word. The rest is basically filler.”
“Everything I say next is what I feel you want to hear/you expect to hear/I need to make an excuse for — it isn’t actually what I mean.”
“I still don’t have the balls [or insert appropriate body part here] to own up fully to the stuff I said at first.”
“I understand why you don’t ‘get’ me because I can barely speak my own freakin’ truth without qualifying it.”
“I am not currently, at this time, right now owning my shizz. Perhaps I will at a later date. Perhaps I will not. Sigh.”
“I pick and choose which parts of me I take responsibility for. I own me and my stuff — when it makes sense. The rest of the time I use this word as a buffer between me and another reality that works better.”
Get it? Sure you do. Because we all do it. ALL of us.
Take a day or two (or even an hour if this annoys you) and be hyper-aware of how you use words and what words you use:
Where are you downplaying your truth?
Where are you making apologies for who you are and what you stand for?
Where are you blaming and making excuses?
Where are you stating some awesome stuff only to (whoosh!) take it all back a few words alter?
When do the “buts” come out?
Don’t even worry in that hour or that day of hyper-awareness about WHY you are doing this. Just find it and know it and be ready to own it (unless you have a really good
story reason why someone else who is not you controls the words that come out of your mouth or through your fingers?).
I’d love to know what you find. Share if you dare! xo