Over the years, I somehow, inexplicably became someone who chose hibernation and all that was “safe” over taking chances and getting the heck out of my comfort zone.
It seemed much easier.
No risk, no reward had its own kind of reward. Or so I told myself.
Then along came 2009.
And all bets were off.
I came out of my comfort zone, alright. And then some.
I opened up.
I came out of my shell.
And guess what happens when you live and love — like really live and love?
You get what you give.
Love, opportunities, all of the greatness that life has to offer are suddenly yours for the taking.
And guess what else happens?
You get hurt.
You get disappointed.
You trust the wrong people.
You make mistakes.
You feel crappy…..which is magnified by the fact that you may not have felt anything — good or bad — for a long time. The pain is all the more acute.
You might want to hide.
Of course, anyone who knows anything will tell you, even in the moment, that’s it’s all part of your journey and that the lessons you most need to learn are often those that hurt the very most.
And of course they are right. And you know it too. But it doesn’t take away from the pain.
I know I have considered re-hibernation at times. It just seems so much easier and neater. And I like neat. But it isn’t glorious. There is no glory in hibernating.
Just this week, I experienced something that wounded me profoundly. More than I expected, in fact.
And as I deal with it (not always so well, I might add), I tell myself (and my friends tell me): “At least it will make a good blog post.”
We do what we can, right? As a writer, everything is fodder for my blogs, my columns, my memoir –whatever. And short of naming names, this is my way of dealing and getting through it.
Some people drink, some do drugs, some book time with their shrink, some start cooking in the kitchen, others bite their nails (OK, I do that too). But me….I write about it.
I’m not ready to write about this one in detail (my friend Elizabeth says I need to first get some perspective on it and of course she is right — and quite frankly, by the time I do, it will likely be a distant memory). I am right now, though, working on embracing the total sh*ttiness that is pain and disappointment and situations/people that aren’t what we had hoped them to be.
I hope you have an outlet too. (And amazing friends.) Of course, there are those people who wish my outlets were a tad less public and open. I get that.
But we use what we have and go with our gut, right? And this is what I have and this is what my gut is telling me.
So take time for yourself and hibernate when you need to. But don’t substitute hibernation for living. And there is a lot of living to do — that I know for sure.