In The Flow

I like to think of myself as someone who goes with the flow, is super-flexible and just lets everything just roll off my back.

But, in reality, I have so not been that kind of person.

Ha!….In fact, just the opposite.

If we’re talking historically and being totally honest, the truth is I have always been one of those people who needs to feel in control of all situations and certainly of myself. Like I feel the need to know what steps B-Z will look like even when I am only starting out on A.

It’s tiring. And trying. And, at the end of the day, it’s really just an illusion anyway.

Because we are never in control. Even when we feel like we have it all under control.

Look at this way: Think of your favorite experiences so far this year. Remember what you did, who you were with and, most importantly, how you felt in those moments. Were those times you planned and coordinated to a “T” or times when things just happened?

I’d bet none of those times and moments were planned. They happened. As life tends to do. It happens.

My most amazing experiences this year (or ever, for that matter) were those in which I trusted that there were bigger things/entities in control and — surprise, surprise –ceded all illusions of control to them.

Instead of forcing, pushing or stressing, I just let things happen. I let go and I let the flow do its thing.

Actually reminds me of riptides. Here in Florida, we hear about them all the time. All too many ocean-goers lose their battles with the riptides because they fight against them so hard, until they physically cannot fight anymore and they drown.

Oftentimes, this fighting against is actually our “go-to” reaction when in fact, the way out of a riptide (and, for that matter, into our greatness and out of our own ways), is to go with it.

To go with the flow.

To let the current carry us where it may, out of danger and into safety.  To stop thinking that we can overtake the current. We cannot. It is stronger than we are and it will be every time.

I decided to write this blog post today because I am involved in a situation in which someone I trusted and put my faith into professionally and personally has undeniably and significantly broken promises and dodged responsibilities.

I thought about naming names, issuing public warnings (I am not the only one) and divulging everything I know related to this story. I have gone through every imaginable emotion as I play the movie of this story over and over in my head.

And at the end of all my dwelling, each and every time, I come to the same conclusion: No matter what I did (or didn’t do), said (or didn’t say), expected (or didn’t expect) or even put in writing, I ultimately have no control over this person or this person’s actions.

There was or is nothing I can do or say to make this person see things my way. If this person were someone inclined to do the right thing — which is something I expect of all people  — this person would have done the right thing long ago.

So I breathe.

I reassure myself that karma is and will be far more effective than I. (I call my lawyer and ask him to help recover what is rightfully mine so I can focus on living my life.) I remind myself that all I can control is my reaction — to this person/situation and to anything else.

I know that everything is working for and with me and all I need to do is just allow it. (By the way, did I mention that allowing is not always easy? Yea, it’s not.)

OK, I have to go breathe again now…sometimes I forget.